I think I’ve always appeared confident – because I’m a risk taker.  Taking calculated risks that most people won’t take, is something that must be in my DNA because it comes naturally to me, for better or worse.

But inside, I often really battle with not feeling confident, or good enough.

I bring it up, because I think that so many of us often assume that other people:

Have it all together.

Don’t have these feelings of insecurity.

Feel all blissful and content all day.

And it’s just not true.  

We’re all human and we all struggle.

In our book, The Well Life, Peter and I de-mystify confidence by giving very real guidance around what it is and how to create it.  Because confidence isn’t something that just magically happens to some people and not to others.  

In fact we’ve identified four main things needed for true confidence:

  • Self-worth
  • Self-trust
  • Competence
  • and Courage.

What I’ve noticed about myself recently is that I have badass self-trust, competency to the level of necessity ;), and lots of courage, but my self-worth is where I was really struggling.  

It’s not that I don’t have self-worth (we all do), I even have a sense of my self-worth, it’s just that it was obscured from my vision.  I wasn’t seeing my innate, unchanging, brilliant value as a human.   

Interestingly, I can see this in others with ease.  I see their light and their beauty.

But, instead I was trying to get approval from myself and others for what I was doing in the world, for who I was, how I was, what I was.  It didn’t work (btw it never works).

Peter gently, not-so-gently, nudged me to do the work.  The work of unveiling what is true for all of us – that we are divine light in human form and that we are completely perfect just as we are.  

This meant spending more time in meditation and going to the practice when I’m feeling insecure or lacking or unworthy, instead of seeking it from the outside by accomplishing more, having more friends, or being more of a badass.

Not that those things are bad.  I love to accomplish things, have friends, and be badass.

It just doesn’t change the way I feel inside.

This is my journey around confidence.  For you maybe it’s competence or self-trust or courage that feel like they are lacking when your confidence wanes.  But it’s good to know what to check in with when it does – cause it does for everyone.

And if you do struggle with self-worth, know it isn’t a matter of it not being there, it’s just a matter of it being obscured by all sorts of earthly matters.  

You are brilliant.  

You are exceptional.  

You are worthy.