I Cried Through the Whole Thing: A Journey of Spiritual Healing and Self-Forgiveness

This past weekend, I sat down to meditate.
And as I sunk into that space beyond time and space – the place where everything real lives – something deep started to move.
 
I was led straight into a healing I didn’t even know I needed.
And the tears flowed.
 
Not pretty, peaceful crying.
The kind where your chest aches and your face is wet and you’re not even sure what you’re crying for anymore – just that it matters.
 
In that stillness, I met places in my heart where I had deserted myself.
Moments – some sharp and clear, others a faint memory- where I had let fear or pain close the doors to my own love.
Where I had decided, quietly and without ceremony, that it was safer not to feel it all.
 
Opening those doors again was brutal.
It was beautiful.
It was everything.
And maybe the hardest part?
Forgiving myself.

Because there are things we tell ourselves are unforgivable.
Tiny betrayals. Big regrets.
And it’s easy to believe we have to carry them – forever.
 
But forgiveness – real forgiveness – is a wild, trembling, soul-level choice.
And it doesn’t let you stay locked up.
It doesn’t let you stay small.
It opens you.
 
When I chose to forgive myself – imperfectly, clumsily – something moved.
My heart softened in a way that felt new.
I could feel the river of love start to flow again – warm, messy, alive.
 
And it hit me:
It’s absolutely insane to be human.
How much we hold. How much we hurt. How much we heal.
And how, somehow, we keep choosing love again.
 
So if there’s a part of you you’ve left behind . . .
If there’s a locked room inside you where your tenderness is still waiting . . .
Know this:
 
You can visit it.
You can forgive yourself.
You can let your own heart become a river again.
 
It’s not easy.
But it’s worth it.
And it’s time.
 
I love you.
 
Briana