I Forgive You.
Yesterday my daughter came home from school and we had this conversation:
Sabina: “I forgave Bella today.”
Me: “That’s wonderful sweetie, what for?”
Sabina: “The mean ways she’s treated me.”
Me: “Oh, that’s great.”
Sabina: “Yeah, it feels really good.”
Me: “Ah….yes. Do you feel like you can trust her with your feelings now?”
Sabina: “Yes, she’s earned back my trust.”
This made my mama heart sing, and made me think about how forgiveness is a blessing that we give to ourselves and to the world. In the above scenario Sabina felt good to forgive and Bella gets to receive forgiveness and learned to rebuild broken trust. Win. Win.
When we hold grudges, big and small, we are burdened with the weight of the discord in our hearts. It isn’t just limited to feeling bad, this weight shows up in our lives in real ways that hold us back from getting everything we want in life. We don’t fully show up in relationships, because we withhold love or acceptance. We let this darkness inform future interactions, even if they are with different people. Our mental and emotional space is jammed up with the fog of resentment.
But, we can free ourselves of this weight. We can clean up the debris. We can have light hearts. Forgiveness does not mean that we condone the event, activity, or interaction. It’s different to say “It’s okay,” versus “I forgive you.” It doesn’t have to be okay. It can actually still be really shitty, but we can forgive anyway.
Forgiveness also doesn’t mean that we necessarily put our trust in that person again. As Sabina so wisely noted, trust is earned back. It just means that we are willing to let go of holding onto the event as a defining moment of that relationship, and/or ourselves.
Often the hardest person to forgive is our self. But I invite you to start with yourself, actually. When you can deeply and completely forgive yourself for all the ways in which you’ve acted different than your ideal all the ways in which you haven’t met your own approval, all the ways in you’ve mistreated yourself and others, you gain inner strength and softness that invites magic to blossom.
We’ve all made mistakes. Our parents said the wrong things, embarrassed us in front of our friends, weren’t there for us when we needed them. Our friends didn’t show up, lied to us about breaking our toys, and gossiped about us behind our backs. Our partners interrupted us when we talked, kissed our best friend, and left a big turd unflushed in the toilet. We’ve eaten a whole cake while on a diet, stolen from a convenience store, and lied to our friends.
Get over it.
You will gain a light heart and strong wings that will carry you forward in your life with far more ease and love than you could ever imagine. – Tweet it if you feel it.
In the comments below, I want you to tell me who you’re going to forgive (you can use fake names to protect the innocent if you like.) Set yourself free.
Great article, Brianna – for me the most difficult person to forgive and the most gratifying is myself. I forgive myself and give myself permission to drop the anger and self sabotage for playing to what I imagined everyone else desired for me. I forgive myself for neglecting and ignoring and disrespecting the wisdom inside of myself. She reigns freely now – it is her time to shine.
Sarah this is so amazing! Forgiving yourself is one of the hardest, and most rewarding processes! Shine on!