Blogs | Where do you fit in?

By Briana | February 24th 2016

Where do you fit in?


One of the main reasons that I started my spas was to create a space where people could come and feel like they really belonged – both clients and staff.  I realized that one of the most fundamental human needs is to feel like we belong, whether with a group of people, in a place, with our families, or in a culture.

So many of us grow up feeling on the outside looking in, as the youngest child in my family my experience of begging for my siblings attention like a puppy definitely felt that way.  And then in adolescence there began to be more and more pressure to be “in” with a certain group of cool kids.  Regardless of how many parties I was invited to, I never really felt like my position was solid, and I don’t think any one else felt solid either.

The desire to fit in causes us humans to do all sorts of crazy things: join cults, stay in unhealthy relationships, adopt a certain “uniform” to show the world who we are, collect friends on Facebook like they’re seashells, and lie to ourselves and others about what our true dreams and desires are.

It makes sense. We are tribal creatures; we can’t thrive on our own.  We need each other, being part of the whole is vital for our survival.  And you already are, just by being here on this earth, part of the network, the matrix that creates and sustains us all.

So why, so often do we still feel like we don’t belong with the cool kids?  The ones with that are crazy successful, the ones that are ridiculously happy, the ones with ecstatic relationships? Even if we’re part of a group of awesome people there is still a sense that we don’t totally fit in.

It’s because we haven’t fully welcomed ourselves into our own hearts.  Our wholeness.  All parts of ourselves: the silly parts, the talented parts, the parts of us that make mistakes, the three-year-old us that ruined our mom’s table, the future elder us that needs help down the stairs, the brilliant parts, the scared parts, the self-assured parts.  All. Of. It.

The more you accept, forgive, love, and welcome all the parts of you, the more you’ll be free of the trappings of trying to fit in.  You’ll get to be fully you, without apology, in every situation and with all people.

People can welcome you ’til they’re blue in the face, but until you belong to you, you’ll never feel like you belong anywhere.Tweet it 

Of course, ideally we all extend our hearts to each other to help each other feel comfortable, especially in a new space, which is what we do at The Dragontree, but the most important place to belong is within your own heart.

So I invite you to prioritize this relationship. Make space for this connection, space for all of you to dwell in your own approval, compassion, and forgiveness. Extend endless love and understanding to yourself.

Do it for yourself. Do it for the all of us. For when we are a tribe of individuals showing up in our wholeness, not needing approval for our survival, we will truly change the world.

You belong.



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