I’ve got big news!
We’re having a baby!
Yep, our little family is expanding and we’re bursting with joy.
Coming off of months of nausea and exhaustion mixed with delight and awe, I’m now settling into nesting and planning mode.
This baby has been on my vision board for years. And being someone who loves to get what I want (who doesn’t?), there have been a lot of months of heartbreak.
Peter and I tried for three years to have a second child. I drank disgusting herbs, did weekly acupuncture, envisioned our four person family, saw doctors only to be told again and again that I “should” be getting pregnant easily since I was in fantastic health. And though you may think that assessment was welcome, in fact it just made me feel worse as I faced disappointment again and again.
Has this ever happened to you? Not specifically the baby part, but wanting something and feeling like you’ve tried everything, had a positive attitude and still not seen results?
I think everyone can relate.
Here’s what I learned from this long journey.
Be grateful for what you have.
This is being thrown around so much lately, it’s almost cliché and I wouldn’t even mention it if it didn’t factor in so greatly to my survival of monthly sorrow. Being present with my daughter and husband and our sweet family dynamics, not just listing them in my journal as something I’m grateful for, but really diving into the experience, allowed me to feel gratitude at a bone level.
When gratitude becomes a physical sensation, magic happens. – Tweet it
Detach from the result
I kept having people tell me stories about their friends that stopped “trying” to have a baby and then got pregnant the next month! Sounded easy enough, so I would stop taking my basal body temperature and pretend like I wasn’t absolutely set on having another kid.
But pretending wasn’t really helpful, because in my heart and mind I couldn’t release my attachment.
After years, literally years, of clenching onto this desire, I let go. Li’l babe was still in my vision for the future, but I knew that I would be happy either way. I stopped being obsessed with making it happen, and started to allow for whatever would be.
This did not result in getting pregnant the next month. But, it did result in a much more relaxed and pleasant present.
When we have big goals, we can become fixated on achieving them to the detriment of our own joy. Instead, allowing our goals to be a natural part of what we see for our future, without hinging our happiness on them, creates ease.
Keep working toward what you want
After I became unattached to getting pregnant, I stopped going to the doctors, stopped taking the herbs, stopped getting weekly acupuncture, because those things were stressing me out and not adding to my daily joy.
However, there were some things that I didn’t stop doing, because, after all, having another kiddo would be great. I took care of my body, kept track of my cycle, and, of course, kept having sex with Peter.
Taking consistent steps toward your goal, even if you don’t know if they’re the right ones, establishes an energetic flow that is more likely to get you what you want.
It doesn’t always happen like you think it’s going to
Last fall I stopped eating gluten. I was finding that it caused a stomachache every time I ate it, so it made sense to me to stop. Voila! No more digestive issues.
I was not going gluten-free because I thought it would help me get pregnant; it didn’t even cross my mind. But, just a few months after I stopped eating gluten, I got pregnant. It wasn’t until after conceiving that Peter connected the dots for us and, considering other symptoms, was convinced that my gluten intolerance was hindering my body’s ability to get pregnant.
You never know how life will unfold to give you exactly what you want. Keeping your goals in your vision while living your life to the fullest can bring unexpected solutions that you couldn’t get to with force alone. Be open to finding the key to your success in surprising ways.
Be flexible with your timeline
I wanted my kids to be 2.5 years apart. In fact I was so attached to this when that magical timeframe passed and I wasn’t pregnant yet, I nearly lost it. I was sure my whole perfect vision for my life was ruined.
Turns out my kids will be 7 years apart, 7 perfect years. Now that this is our reality, I can’t imagine a better age gap and situation for our family. Who would have known?
That’s the thing, we don’t always know why things are unfolding as they are and at rate they are, but trusting in the universe to create something even better than you could have imagined allows you relax and enjoy it as it comes.
I know this can be hard. We want it all. Right. Now.
But maybe, just maybe, right now isn’t the perfect time and with patience, you may find out why and be grateful for the cadence of your experience.
I believe that we can all have whatever we want and I’d love to be part of your journey to getting what you want. In my Get It: Create Anything You Want course we spend seven weeks doing exactly that. I would love it if you would join me and my li’l baby bump next month.